Tuesday, June 01, 2010

resolve in my heart

if i could make words echo from a computer monitor, i would force these to resound over and over: my soulmate found me. my life mate, my love, my best friend, my everything. my all. through lifetimes passed, and years without: she found me.

words have forsaken me, in my desperation to express the magnitude of these emotions. to her, or myself, or anyone else. she is everything my daughter and i never dreamed we would have in a family. and we are a family. in every sense of the word, through every cell in my body: the three of us have found our home in one another.

i am so moved by her thoughtfulness; her genuine concern for my well-being and for my child's sense of security. even my music isn't big enough to hold this.

knowing and loving her is life affirming, mind altering, and purposeful. weeks pass in the blink of an eye, while i am drinking in each passing minute with her and little a. my daughter has told me repeatedly how much she loves her, and that she is her best friend. i adore the way that she communicates with ashley. so thoughtfully, with such concern. she actually listens to what ashley has to say, and thinks about her response before speaking. she holds her hand when she speaks seriously to her, and gets down to her eye level. it melts my heart, while cradling hers.

this weekend she offered to bathe ash so i could finish ironing our clothes and preparing for my best friend's wedding. 15 minutes later, they both emerged from the bathroom, ash in a towel and christy with soaked clothes. when i raised my eyebrows she responded, "she wanted me to get in with her. she was scared." and i fought back tears, because it made sense to her. she didn't think twice. and in that one act, she undid the past 2 years of hurtful, neglectful actions. like it never happened, we are now a family of 3. a loving, supportive family who treasure every minute together.

i couldn't have imagined how good this would feel. she is everything beautiful in my world, and i am so moved to begin our life together. here, we start over, and build the lives we've always wanted, full of love and happiness. right now.


Lynilu said...

How wonderful to find a person who not only gets you, but totally gets your child. Blessings on you all. :)

camille said...

what a perfect description: wonderful. i am so full of wonder and adoration for her, it is spilling out of me.

lightfeather said...

Ah yes, it is right and good! I'm glad you found love when you weren't looking for it and it found you!

camille said...

lighty, thank you for...well, you know....holding out hope, and always wanting the best for me. love love love to you, and then more for good measure. keep writing. i am here.

Melissa said...

To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

Most probably wrongfully attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson...your words, the picture...the very essence of success.

i'm happy for you...i'm happy for Ashley...i'm happy for Christy.

kristin said...

Hi! I just saw your comment on my old blog (clandestine) but I don't know the password there anymore. So Hi! :)


lightfeather said...

Hi Sweet Camille!

Sorry to promote myself here but you told me to let you know when Little Bird was ready. Well, he is!
It is with a joyful heart that I make the announcement of the birthing of my first published book, "Little Bird You Are Perfect."

Little Bird lives in the magical location of the red, red rocks of Sedona and is most beautifully illustrated by artist Richa Kinra, who has brought my children's book to life. Below, you will find a synopsis the book. I would be honored if you would visit my book page at Barnes and Noble online and consider a purchase for the children, parents, and grandparents in your life.


Little Bird You Are Perfect by Shelley Joy
Little Bird awakens to a perfect day. It is going to be his first real taste of the real world and he is so excited! What he finds during his adventure,is something entirely different. His excitement about his perfect day turns
to sadness when he realizes that he is different from all of the other birds he encounters and is reminded of his differences by a group of more grown up birds who tease him. A visit by Native American Sorceress Kanka, changes Little Bird’s outlook on himself as he gazes into the pools of her eyes and he sees himself as the Great Spirit sees him, perfect in every way! Just like Little Bird, YOU are perfect too!