Tuesday, June 01, 2010

resolve in my heart

if i could make words echo from a computer monitor, i would force these to resound over and over: my soulmate found me. my life mate, my love, my best friend, my everything. my all. through lifetimes passed, and years without: she found me.

words have forsaken me, in my desperation to express the magnitude of these emotions. to her, or myself, or anyone else. she is everything my daughter and i never dreamed we would have in a family. and we are a family. in every sense of the word, through every cell in my body: the three of us have found our home in one another.

i am so moved by her thoughtfulness; her genuine concern for my well-being and for my child's sense of security. even my music isn't big enough to hold this.

knowing and loving her is life affirming, mind altering, and purposeful. weeks pass in the blink of an eye, while i am drinking in each passing minute with her and little a. my daughter has told me repeatedly how much she loves her, and that she is her best friend. i adore the way that she communicates with ashley. so thoughtfully, with such concern. she actually listens to what ashley has to say, and thinks about her response before speaking. she holds her hand when she speaks seriously to her, and gets down to her eye level. it melts my heart, while cradling hers.

this weekend she offered to bathe ash so i could finish ironing our clothes and preparing for my best friend's wedding. 15 minutes later, they both emerged from the bathroom, ash in a towel and christy with soaked clothes. when i raised my eyebrows she responded, "she wanted me to get in with her. she was scared." and i fought back tears, because it made sense to her. she didn't think twice. and in that one act, she undid the past 2 years of hurtful, neglectful actions. like it never happened, we are now a family of 3. a loving, supportive family who treasure every minute together.

i couldn't have imagined how good this would feel. she is everything beautiful in my world, and i am so moved to begin our life together. here, we start over, and build the lives we've always wanted, full of love and happiness. right now.