where to start...it's been a busy time in my life. little recap: i graduated on december 9th, then chris visited for a week, by then it was christmas, new year's, i moved to atlanta on january 14th, took a 3-day n-clex review class, began my new job, took my national boards, passed, came out to my sister.... that's a very sparse overview.
so this weekend was going to be my time to relax and enjoy the knowledge that i'll never have to take american boards again, but it wouldn't be my life if it didn't include stress. my stepdad is coming to visit me tomorrow. i've already told him that i want to talk to him without my mom around, because i'll talk to them both next weekend...i told him i thought she would freak out, and i wanted to give him the opportunity to talk with me separately and rationally (my mom's not all that rational). so i'm going to tell him that i'm gay, let him ask me any questions if he wants to, and ask his advice about how he thinks i should approach telling my mother. i'll tell her next weekend. then it will spread like wildfire. i won't even have a chance to tell any other relatives. they'll hear it through the grapevine.
i've been reading the book i ordered for them, "straight parents, gay children: keeping families together." the title sounded like something that my mom wouldn't be COMPLETELY opposed to reading. although it does make good points, it comes across like a pflag brochure. pflag, pflag, pflag is everywhere. it's like an infomercial for them. and that's not necessarily a bad thing. i'd love for my parents to use pflag as a resource, but i think the book just comes on so strongly that it might actually push them away from giving it a chance. so i'm debating whether or not to give it to them. i guess it can't hurt.
i'm really nervous about talking to my dad tomorrow. for those who don't know: to differentiate between my biological father and my step father, we call our biological father "my father" or "real daddy." we call our stepdad "dad," and "daddy." it's a little confusing. anyway, i am nervous about talking to him. i'm not even really sure what i want to say, and instead of trying to think it through, i've spent the weekend avoiding the thought. i don't even know how to bring it up. he knows he's coming here specifically to discuss something with me that i don't want my mom to know yet. he's probably expecting the absolute worst. he may totally expect this. but i don't want to be like "thanks for coming. i'm gay." i mean, it's not like there's an instruction book on how to do this. i think i'll have some wine before he gets here. i just hope i don't cry. crying will bring back memories of high school and my inability to talk to them rationally without bursting into tears. any advice tonight is welcomed. anyone wanting to help me avoid the topic by doing something fun tonight too, call me.