Sunday, February 12, 2006

shape of my heart




so i told him. it took less than 30 minutes for him to come in, sit down, talk briefly, then leave after patting me on the back. yeah. it wasn't terrible, but in my book it certainly wasn't good. he basically told me he didn't take my "choice" seriously. that i was limiting myself, i just hadn't given heterosexual relationships enough of a chance, and that he didn't take mine and chris's relationship seriously. i told him that i'd known for several years, i had crushes on girls all through my adolesence, and that i was in a committed relationship. he said i didn't necessarily have to tell my mom. i am telling her on sunday (one week from today). he blamed my ex boyfriend from high school for causing me to be "this way." i didn't tell him that i'm moving and getting married. it seemed too much. beth said, "when your ass is on a plane to canada this summer, he'll be like 'well i guess she was serious.'" their reaction or lack of understanding right now is beyond my control. i am sad for the absence of support, but not surprised. next week will be 100 times worse. my mom is an emotional roller coaster. she has no idea. the good news is that i can come in, tell her, and leave when it gets too out of control. the bad news is that i will have a difficult time not taking it to heart, trying to fall asleep that night without having an awful empty feeling in my stomach. no i love you's, no "you're my daughter, i want you to be happy" phrases. none today, and none next week. not from them. not anytime in the near future.

12 comments:

for_the_lonely said...

I am so sorry to hear of all of this. My family took it fairly well...then again, my mom pretty much knew that I was a lesbian even at a young age, although I had my fair share of boyfriends. I suppose that, for myself, I had to get it all right! LOL

I will keep you in my prayers, Cami....stay strong. Keep your mind of the beautiful future that you and Chris will have together...in the long run, everyone will come around and realize how happy you are. Anyone who loves you will only care about your happiness, which will all pan out in the end...promise. :)

Keep the faith, pretty girl.

Love you,
Sarah

Misty said...

I know what that's like to wish for your mother to just love you for who you are..and if she doesn't-if she can't handle it, you will still be ok. You are deserving of happiness with someone you love..hang in there..all you can do is be who you are..Hugs to you--

Puffer said...

I admire your strength and courage for telling him
I know it is not easy at all
I love you
It took guts to do it and u did it
I will send all the karma I can
for next weekend.

Jen said...

Brave,brave Camille, I am sorry you are not given what you need from those who should not even question.
Stay strong, you will be with Chris soon and all will be right with the world again.

One Crazy Lady said...

Im sorry to hear thats how he took the news. that is how my family took it too but Im still with Nathalie so I guess they realized it wasnt a phase. And they have came around! Its not easy but with the strength of you and your loving partner, you'll be fine! Hugs

Traci said...

Ok, I know it's not the same BUT if you were my daughter this is what I would tell you...

"Camille, honey, I love you and I respect you and I appreciate you telling me this. I'm here for you no matter what and I want you to be happy. I will always support you in whatever you do."

And THEN I would give you the biggest hug you'd ever been given. {{{{{Camille}}}}}

Peace.

Zoe said...

It's tough, and not fun, but you'll be better off in long run for telling them. I'm sorry your folks aren't/won't be accepting. My parents still act like I'm going through some sort of phase that has lasted for 13 years. Geez, if only I'd met the right guy(sarcasm). My question, how long did they date before they knew they weren't gay?
Be strong.

Sarah said...

Oh Sweets!

I am proud of you for telling them. It can't be easy. You are who you are, and you are beautiful! I will be thinking of you and sending you positive thought as you face telling your Mom. Hugs galore.
Sarah

The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Sorry it didn't go as well as it could have. I had a little of that, but mostly everyone was okay with me.

Just for the record, I validte and value your relationship with Chris. I wish you the very best.

snaps79 said...

You're very brave for having said anything at all. Good for you. Some people NEVER admit who they really are.

Sarah said...

I know what you are going through. I posted my story on my site. Come check it out.

SassyFemme said...

I'm sorry it didn't go as you had wanted it to. I guess on the bright side it didn't go horribly wrong and he didn't storm out. Is part of this just that it's such a surprise for him, and also the way he normally reacts to things? Can you write him a letter and tell him how you're feeling after talking with him? Would it help at all?

Hugs... {{{{{ }}}}}