Tuesday, November 22, 2005

the gift

today beth gave me the most incredible gift of music. the first song anyone has ever actually given to me and said "this is you." i am speechless. completely speechless.

She will never be invincible
She will never be some Florence Nightingale
Her threshold`s invisible
But she`ll hang on like hell



She may be transparent
She`s got no defenses to speak of
But she`ll stand here before you
With no pride or prejudice
Just steadfast and certain
That she`ll land on her own two feet
And you`ll think you can break her
`Cause you think that she`s crazy and weak
But her power will defy you when
She wears her heart on her sleeve


She will never learn your tranquillity
She will never learn how to let things slide
Her joy overwhelms her and
Her sorrow won`t subside



She may be transparent
She`s got no defenses to speak of
But she`ll stand here before you
With no pride or prejudice
Just steadfast and certain
That she`ll land on her own two feet
And you`ll think you can break her
`Cause you think that she`s crazy and weak
But her power will defy you when
She wears her heart on her sleeve



Oh you may condemn me with
Your bitter words and untouchable rage
And you may torment me `cause i don`t
Lead my life in your way
But I will stand here before you
With no pride or prejudice
Just steadfast and certain
That I will land on my own two feet
You`ll think you can break me
Bring my head down to my knees
But my power will defy you when
I wear my heart on my sleeve

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

happy legs

more chrisisms



"baby! i have 16 boxes of crackers and one creepy caterpillar. it was fucken serious."

Sunday, November 13, 2005

and so it is

my heart hurts in new ways
new intensities, shapes
and colors

everyone wanting things
from me that i cannot
or won't
give

which brings to pain
those who are no longer
here who also wanted,
needed things from me
that i could not and
would not provide

suppose i found it possible
to break off small pieces
of myself, and hand them
over freely.
i would.

not enough.
not even for me.
myself.
i.

never enough
for anybody
everybody
somebody.

pieces,
shatters
of myself
handed carefully
over, to cause
more anguish
than before.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

almost there

i graduate in one month. exactly. one fucking month. god i hope i can make it to that day, lol. i can. i might have a few nervous breakdowns between now and then, but i'll make it there. things have been ridiculous. my life has been spastic. i'm a big tangled mess of disorganization. and on my days off, what do i do? nothing. actually, that's not true, but i just feel like there's no point in even making an attempt at everything that needs to be done.

my mom's trying to set me up with a guy. and get me to work at a hospital in our hometown. pfft. that's the funniest thing i've heard all week.

my brother is dating our ex roommate, my ex friend. that's just plain gross. and it pisses me off that he didn't tell me himself. whatev.

my best friend is no longer moving to atlanta with me. that leaves me high and dry to find a place on my own pretty soon. a job would be nice. guess i should look for one of those too...i'm one tom collins away from skipping the country. but then i'd need a passport. fuck.

i feel like jordan. maybe i should, like....do something...or something.