Friday, September 30, 2005

journal excerpt

--february 17, 2005.

it is the end of day 2, after valentine's day. i looked in the mailbox bleakly, but foolishly still expecting to see his handwriting on some large pink envelope meant for me. of course it wasn't there. why this one should matter is lost on me. i didn't even read the others. 21 years of big pink envelopes encasing cardboard that all said "i love you - daddy." i usually cherish the written word and i, more than most, can appreciate the fact that some things are more easily said on paper...but for some reason these words never struck me as genuine. even when he says them...i don't know why he would lie about it, but somehow they feel so obligatory. i carelessly tossed the others in the caboodle that had become their dungeon, so an observer might wonder why i even care if this year i didn't receive one more $3.99 piece of paper he probably didn't even read. i care because he sent cliff one. maybe that's childish, but it's also incredibly rude to send one of your children something on valentine's day and not the other. especially when they live together. it fucking hurts my feelings.

5 comments:

Puffer said...

I am sorry this happened
he has a wonderful daughter
who steals my heart every day
I won't take u for granted.

for_the_lonely said...

It is so heartbreaking when someone you love does not treat you like you should be treated. He does not know what he is missing out on...

Sarah

Karen said...

Do we have the same dad? It hurts more than 'words' can even say! I feel like this could have been written by me my friend! We just have to look at all the people's love and respect that we do have (even people we don't know!) and not focus on the one who is missing out! I have to say that the less I started to 'expect' from him, the more he started giving and over the years we have actually become a lot closer....it will come and if it doesn't, it doesn't matter as you are an amazing soul!

xo

Traci said...

{{{{{Camille}}}}}

I understand completely. I'm sorry this happened. Love and Peace.

Under A Blackened Sky said...

I'm sorry this happened to you Camile, how hurtful that must have been. Feb 17th is my birtday, guess who didn't get me a card or make a call? Dads are just like that sometimes. May I ask why you are posting this now...8 months later? I hope you're okay girl.