Saturday, September 17, 2005

hanging by a thread

this is turning out to be a wonderful semester. i mean that with all the sarcasm i can possibly convey. i won't even begin to tell you about the amount of stress and pressure i'm under academically and clinically, but it's the most severe it's ever been. and we lost taylor mackenzie lawson. and now hollie's kidney function is 5% and her creatinine is 15. she needs a transplant. now. she needed it 2 years ago. i can't make her sister care. our blood types are not the same. i would give her mine, without a second thought. she needs it. even i am becoming desperate for her. how she is remaining calm, i have no clue. sitting in my kitchen the other night she quietly said "it's my life. why doesn't she understand that she's holding my life in her hands while she's choosing not to take the time to be tested for a possible match?" i have no answers.

and today a close friend had an abortion. although i could never be judgmental, i didn't think i could really understand anyone's motives for a decision like that. but now i do. her decision was a difficult one, as i'm sure it is for everyone, but i agree with her choice. and i would do anything in the world to help her through it. but my friends have problems i am helpless to resolve. they are too big. i am left with an intense desire to change things for them, make it all go away, when all i can really do is be there. just be. and i'm amazed, everyday, that that is enough for them. i'm so touched by the people in my life. no matter how stressed and desperate i feel, i know my world is filled with love, life, and laughter. i owe you the world, my friends. my world.

4 comments:

Jan said...

beautifully written as always...
I don't always reply, but I always read.
Thanks for your kind words.

Puffer said...

You do help ur friends
by listening...
and being there...
that is what friendship is
and u have all those qualities
5 days and counting

Traci said...

You are amazing. This is beautifully written. Thank you for sharing a part of your life. Peace.

scribble said...

wonderful post Camille.
I know the stress is overwhelming,
and this is why we are here.
Always.