Tuesday, July 05, 2005

splendor on the coast


happy at dinner time
Originally uploaded by camille26.

the kids have been so great. i forget how much i enjoy being around them sometimes. last night anna and i struggled to sleep in the midst of a thunderstorm. we counted in whispers together after each strike of lightning and i guessed the actual storm to be 5 miles away. with her knees in my stomach and head under my chin, anna whispered "who makes the lightning?" i was quiet for a moment, moved by her curiosity, but i quietly answered "god does." "well doesn't he know it scares me?" she said to me. "yes baby," i told her, "but learning to face things that scare us is how we grow up." as she chronicled the ways in which she was definitely a big girl, a familiar feeling of pride and gratitude overcame me. more than anything, i was grateful to see these children growing.

and it may be entirely selfish, but having that sweet baby reach for me and rest his head against my body is the best feeling in the world. i don't know many people who "nanny" at the age of 22, but i have NEVER done it for the money. i have always done this out of complete and utter adoration for these children and how calm and in my element i feel when i'm with them.

the thought of having a child of my own scares me to death. i cannot BEGIN to imagine my heart full of that much love and wonder. i wonder if i would be so overtaken by emotion that i'd be blind to all logical thoughts. that love would be the purest and most unconditional in the world. i cannot even wrap my head around the thought.

6 comments:

for_the_lonely said...

I think that you would make an awesome momma...when the time is right :)

Love you,
Sarah

Kirsti said...

I've got a friend who's at least 10 years older than you and still nannying - because she loves the rewards, the chance to be such a formative part of a child's life, and just being with kids.

And as my sister can testify, the "new mom" wonder pretty soon gets balanced out with all the other parts of child rearing. I agree with Sarah. You will do a great job raising a child of your own.

Traci said...

My daughters are 18, 15 and 12 and somedays that love still so totally overwhelms me that I am left speechless by the power of it. You will make a wonderful mother when the time arrives my dear. I can feel it.

LeaLea said...

The love does overwhelm and changes how you perceive the world, but it is in a postive wonderful way. You will definitely make a wonderful mom when its time!

Puffer said...

Hey babe
I am still in Vancouver I fly home tonight. Can't wait to fill you in on everything. Still being a nanny at 22 is awesome I still do that for my friends and family. Kids keep you young. Cannot wait to touch base.

The Recovering Straight Girl said...

you don't need to wrap your head around it; when the time is right, you will know. You will follow your heart like everthing else and the mothering will just happen with grace and flow.

People have always asked me, "How do you do it, with three girls so close in age?" I always answer, that you just do it. You grow into it and you let it flow.