Tuesday, June 14, 2005

in my mind

in the world i imagine in my head, things are very different.

michael jackson has had no plastic surgery.
built no ranch that seduces children.

my mother has taken zoloft all her life.
she never wrote me that letter.
my dad didn't cheat on her
or kick us out
or teach me that i'll never be enough.

candace didn't fall into the black abyss.
her children say they'd buy toys
if they were rich, and not food.

friends are really friends.
they don't leave when things get bad.
they crowd around you with love and hugs.
show up on my doorstep when i need them most
and encircle me with their love.

in this world that exists in my mind,
children don't die in the hospital
without ever seeing the outside of their room.
people don't lose hope and give up,
and go to hospice care to die.

love is never wrong, and everybody believes it.
i'm not afraid to put my arm around
my girlfriend's waist in daylight.
my family welcomes her with open arms
and our children are beautiful, healthy
and loved beyond measure.

great music is always playing
and there are no cameras
just eyes
and you can -snap- save a moment
to your internal hard drive
with one thought
perfectly preserved for all time

and you can communicate with people
without even opening your mouth
and we all laugh at the archaic times
when words failed us. no more.
one glance, and all is understood
with clarity. and no room for error.

but that's just in my head.


bea said...

your head is in the right place. not 'cause i say it. it just is, it can be felt through your words.

Jas... said...

Actually, C, that sounds like what Heaven is described as by all those who have had near death experiences. It's no wonder we're all longing to get back there.


Sarah said...


You write beautifully, and you are beautiful! Wow.

Under A Blackened Sky said...

I love what's in your head. When do you take your boards? Been there, done that, you'll do fine... keep what is in your head. I just stumbled upon your blog and already I love the way you write.

Sarah said...

Reading your blog was like reading my own heart. I feel everything you wrote about in this entry. I will be reading more when I have some more time tomorrow. Please check mine out as well. I cannot tell you enough how much I just "get" what you are saying and feeling. You're not alone, not at all.

Kelly said...

Beautiful idea, that would be heaven. To be able to let go of all the pain that misunderstanding brings and all of the ugliness in this world would be amazing. Wonderful post, as always

Jan said...

Keeps those thoughts in your head and in your memory....Say them out loud, believe in them....for one day they will be so.

for_the_lonely said...

Keep your head up, Camille...
Never let go of those things that you hold so dear to your heart. Give it time, sweet soul, it will all come in due time.

You are loved!


Puffer said...

Hey girl,
I say we stay up late again soon. You did help Camille. I loved your blog.
It is a perfect world the one you described. I loved what you wrote.
Cheers and to

Kirsti said...

And your head is full of wisdom and great ideas. To love, and be loved. To know, and be known.

And while you may not have friends showing up at your door, there's a whole load of them waiting at this blog to hug you and remind you of your worth and wonder.

MARYBETH said...

If you could only know the wisdom you already possess and the gift you have and so give to others, by translating the contents of your heart, into words.
With the soon to be R. N. next to your name an entire universe of new people are waiting to know you, many of whom will become dear friends.

The Recovering Straight Girl said...

Very nice Camille. You are a very lovely writer and a very lovely woman.

scribble said...

Beautiful words Camille.
Thanks for being willing to be honest about what you would like the world to be.
Some dreams do come true.

Anonymous said...

Amen honey. Peace.

Anonymous said...

People don't "give up" to go to a hospice and die - There truly are things in life that are worse than death. Dying can be such a beautiful thing - Some years into your nursing experience, you will realize this. I've been a nurse since before you were born - I still love it. I do hospice nursing because that is where there is true peace.

Under A Blackened Sky said...

"one glance, and all is understood with clarity, and no room for error." I love that line. I've felt this before, so I know it is truly possible and not just i your head. Reading this for a second time and feeling like I'd like to turn up on your doorstep, and give you a heartfelt hug. Keep your chin up girl.

pawzz said...

~~~Can I buy a ticket?

Cherry said...

Very beautiful. It's people like you who make this world a better place.