Sunday, June 05, 2005

the beholder's eye

recently while visiting with my grandmother, i mentioned several people that i thought were gorgeous. two babies and a few adults. she completely disagreed and said to me, "you think everybody is beautiful." i couldn't argue with her. i do think that the majority of people, all in their own unique ways, are stunning. the tone with which she said that was negative, like the fact that i think everyone is beautiful somehow discredits my opinion. yet, despite my faith in the omnipresent elegance of others, i find it nearly impossible not to loathe myself. i am devastatingly unhappy with my own appearance. that sounds so shallow, but it's true. my attraction to everyone else is NOT superficial at ALL. i firmly believe that the difference between my opinion and my grandmother's is that she's taking only the external into account. i believe people are radiant because their souls make them so. however, all things considered, i find that inside and out, the things that add up to equal camille are not pretty. and it makes me unhappy. very, very unhappy. and i don't know how to change it.

11 comments:

scribble said...

what in the hell are you talking about ?
Have you looked at the picture below with objective eyes ever?
I could just smack you silly.
But I've grown to love ya like a sister so, I'll just say.
Camille... look at you.
Look at the kind eyes, the adorable smile.
geez...

(have a look at the overweight woman on my blog... when you look like her... we will talk LOL)

M and G said...

I know what it's like to have everyone around you telling you that you are beautiful and not believing it. Not seeing it. It sucks. I've been there. Actually I'm still there sometimes. Wish I were more help.

The fact that you see such beauty in everyone else tells me that you are definately a beautiful person on the inside. And from the pic you left us with below... you really are a beautiful person on the outside too! And you should believe me.. I'm a virgo (very analytical)and I don't mess around when it comes to compliments. I say you are beautiful. Believe me damnit!!! lol

Seriously, it's up to you as to how you feel about yourself. I'm sure all of us here would love to make you see what we see. But, ultimately, we can't. We can only hope that one day you find it for yourself. Or just learn to trust us! lol take care!

-Gina

Traci said...

Isn't it interesting how most of us seem to think we look and are horrible? Where the hell does this come from? I've just looked at your picture, honey, and you are lovely. You beautiful soul shines out through your eyes. Peace.

lightfeather said...

Camille, you are a doll baby. But let's ignore that. For now. I know your heart. Your soul. The inside stuff that matters.

You are a beautiful soul. Believe that.

Love, light, and blessings,
Lighty

Kirsti said...

You know, I'd imagine that probably 90% of the people you see as beautiful would tell you how ugly they feel, inside and out. And yet you're able to see the innate light and goodness that's in them, even when they can't see it for themselves.

Find people, like your grandmother, like your friends here, who will do the same for you. We will hold your beauty while you learn to recognise it.

Because it is certainly in you. It shines through each post you write.

im here somewhere said...

my daughter told me today that i was the most beautiful mommy ever. i am teaching her that everyone is beautiful in their own way and to tell them that often. i think that everyone has that spark in them to make their souls beautiful. if i dont see it upon meeting someone, i will do everything i can to bring it out.

have you ever read "the celestine prophecy"? other peoples auras can add or take from your own. I think you need to give some of yours to your grandmother. she will then see what you see.

Jas... said...

Camille, coming from a man's point of view of how women look... which is often times repressed because we don't want to come off stereotypical, I have to say that you are a complete and total hottie! Sheesh, if I saw you in a club I'd risk a slap in the face and try to pick you up!
:)
Jas...

CurlyGirl said...

Camille! you are cute!! i dont even know you but i saw your pic and your cute.
oh and i need to email you about san francisco (cuz you asked about it on my blog ) but the link to your email address isn't working. you can email me at curlytexasgirl@yahoo.com if you want to talk about sf!

Elizabeth said...

I have to agree hon, the first time I saw your pic, I said, "Awww she's beautiful!" Actually, I probably said, "Mmmm, what a hottie!" but I would never say that outloud.

Wait a second....

;) Liz

Dixie said...

I've always thought that the more we know someone the more attractive or beautiful they seem to us. We get lured by the outside but it's the inside that keeps us.

And yes, you're very lovely Camille. Anyone with one eye and half sense can see that! :)

pawzz said...

ok...im about to impart some wisdom here!...points to be considered
1. no one but u knows ALL ur secrets...we all know only all OURS. What the world sees is what we THINK is the best of us. u think that if u add what we see and what u know about urself that that equals the whole u?....WRONG!!!!
if a bear shits in the woods & no ones there ...does it stink?

2. only u hold the power to change urself sweety. U are obviously capable of seeing deeply (in others) so apply that to urself....make a mental list...then one by one change them...as little or as much as u want.
3. most of all remember...
this aint heaven...its s'pose to suck!

ok....im done